How many times have we heard it? "Take time to stop and smell the roses"? Most people understand this to mean that, in the rush of life's daily expectations, one should stop momentarily whenever possible to take a look around and appreciate a few of the more pleasant portions/situations of their life and surroundings. Is it perhaps possible that "stop and smell the roses" not only covers giving consideration to the good or pleasant aspects of one's life. Might it also mean "taking honest assessment of one's own personal abilities"?

Is it perhaps possible that "stop and smell the roses" has some sort of relationship with (and here the author must state that he has no cause with those who are going to be supremely offended by the apparent introduction of/reference to a religious context in this piece. They can believe whatever they wish to believe (or not) and it won't affect him one bit, because he is very clear on where his come from) "count your blessings".

Is suggesting that one should "stop and smell the roses" being "Pollyannish"? Not at all. From bitter personal experience, the author can state that it is perhaps the most important, practical and helpful advice in the world. Please take a moment to consider the alternative. If one who is perhaps on that negative road never "stops", then one can be drawn into a morass of hopelessness out of which there will quickly be no escape. Might not an honest assessment of one's assets give cause for finding a few more of those "roses"? If one persists in only considering those things which they cannot do, then it follows as the night follows the day that they will grind themselves down into their own private hell. But if one sits down with themselves and takes the approach, "Well, no, I will never be the football superstar or play sports at the professional level, but I do have these other talents which are just as valid, useful, and necessary to a viable society. From personal experience, the author could dig himself a hole to crawl into because of a lack of mechanical and any number of other abilities. Instead of that, he not only gives thanks that he can express himself in articles like this, but also that he has met and has access to those who cannot, by their own admission, have not the talent to write as he does, but do have talents which, used in concert, produce a worthwhile end. The happy result is that each individual accepts their own talents and possibilities as well as their lacks and then they join forces with those who have the talents and possibilities which they themselves are lacking which is precisely how this website came to be. It is called a "complementary" relationship. If the parties involved had spent their time bemoaning and bewailing their respective lack(s) of ability(s) in those respective areas, then nothing would ever have been accomplished, no progress made. And a whole bunch of unhappy, dissatisfied people in the wake. Does the reader want an example or two? Okay, no problem. On the "overcoming physical barriers" side we have Helen Keller. Roger Bannister, Beethovan, Stevie Wonder, and lest we forget, Ray Charles. On the "overcoming racial barriers" side we have people like Gen. Collin Powell, Mr. Justice Clarence Thomas, and Jackie Robinson, who broke the color barrier in baseball. In music, would there have been any of the wonderful and entertaining musicals with which we are all familiar without both Lerner and Lowe? Or Rogers and any of the Hammersteins? Gilbert and Sullivan? There are plenty of special talents to go around allowing each of us the opportunity to contribute to their society, either local or otherwise, and excel therein if each of us will.

One might also consider that there is good cause as to why certain feelings/emotions are specifically mentioned and tagged as they are by nearly every belief system currently extant on the face of the earth, from Islam to Christianity to Buddhism to Judaism. These are not specifically and exclusively "religious" matters. Things like hate, greed, jealousy, envy and "coveting" can and do tear at both soul and body, thereby seriously affecting the mental state and even the physical body more surely than a powerful acid. By this, reference is made to ulcers, high blood pressure. All sorts of handy-dandy physical problems like that. As to jealousy and covetoussness, it is Mahatmas Ghandi who is quoted as saying, "In order to increase your happiness, add not to your possessions, but subtract from your desires."

If a person hates someone or is jealous of them, what effect does it have on the object of that hatred or jealousy? Precisely zero. But in the meantime, it literally eats at the person who hates or is jealous. There is overwhelming irrefutable evidence that these emotions can and do kill. Not the object, but the holder/entertainer of those emotions.

Interestingly enough, once upon a time someone did a survey/study. The subject of the study was which medical specialty caused suicide in its practitioner. No one should be surprised that the highest suicide rate among these professionals was among psychiatrists. And the lowest rate? Obstetricians and pediatricians ranking almost equal, near zero, and by a wide margin.

Now with the reader's permission, it is time for a practical, real-life example:

There is a couple of my acquaintance who took in their two granddaughters when the girl's parents abandoned them at a local hospital where the girls had been admitted for malnutrition and dehydration. A couple of years ago during a visit to that home, during the playing of a hot round of Monopoly, one of those girls was bemoaning the fact that she was not with her biological parents. I pointedly asked her, "And just what is it that you are missing?" She looked at me as if I had just inquired as to whether she was aware of the polar bear which was currently out in the kitchen stalking the family cat. She then replied, "Well, I want to be with them. I want to know that they accept me. That I was not rejected by my father because I am a girl and not a boy."

Now one of this girl's cousins (both girls were about ten years old at that time) who was also involved in the game, chimed in, "Yes. He's right. Just what is it you think you're missing? You live with people who love you, who protect you and provide you with a stability which would be the envy of many. You live in a very nice house. And you know that none of this would be yours at the current moment, if ever, with either your mother or your father." Smell the roses, girl! And while you're sniffing, take time to count your blessings!!!

The girl admitted that she was all too well aware that neither of those two persons for whom she was pining were either themselves in nor were they able to offer to anyone else, anything even approaching an even marginally stable situation. Eventually she concluded that she was precisely where she should be and would want to be. That may have been when her biological father visited the girls at that house and when he left after a few days, he departed in the middle of the night without even saying "Goodbye". What shocked me is that their grandmother related to me that when asked, that same girl indicated that from the time he arrived unannounced, she fully expected that that was the way in which that visit would end.

Realizing that not everyone with whom a person works or needs to deal is going to be among that person's favorite people. The question becomes "Have you ever paused to consider the nice people with whom you work? Or with whom you deal in the daily ebb and flow of life. Perhaps a clerk at the market, the magazine stand by the office, or the drug store, And how nice it is that not all of the people with whom you must work and deal are of the "unfavorite" variety?" (including relatives, and lest the lesson be lost, for those children who may be reading this, that includes that bratty and (at times) insufferable brother or sister of yours!) Or have you just cynically lumped all of them together. If we allow it, the nice people in our lives (including them same relatives) can all be our "roses". Lord knows as surely as each of us is acquainted with way too many of the "thorns", we each need many more of the "roses".

But, in the author's humble estimation, "stopping to smell one's own roses" or "counting one's own blessings" is not the zenith of existence. That honor is held by BEING the rose or blessing in someone else's life

vurdraak@pacbell.net

Opinion Piece # 15

MEANDERINGS ll - That's Awful

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