THE CASE FOR

Respect. R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Everyone craves it. Most everyone expects it. Many demand it as their "right". However, sad to say, few do that which will earn it or find them deserving of it. And if a person must demand it in order to get it, perhaps it is because they have not earned it. Respect is not a "right". Respect must be earned.

There are people whom all of us know and see who demand that we respect them because it is their right and due to be respected. Meanwhile they father or bear children for whom they take no responsibility. They ruin their very selves with drugs or drink or other deleterious activities for which there is no other end than the one which we now see every day in our nation's cities and towns.

If one is not receiving the "respect" of their peers it might be asked, "Why should they respect him/her. And it might be so that the respect of those peers will never be forthcoming. After all, they do not even respect themselves. What is any respect which they might have for you worth??

Manners. As Mr. Funk is supposed to have once said to Mr. Wagnalls, "Manners are the oil which lubricates the mechanism(s) of social intercourse in a civilized society."

I have written previously of a style and era of clothing which not only called those who wore it but accentuated that which indicated whether they had them or not. Perhaps that is why I like that style so much. It allows me to go back to an era when doors were opened for ladies. When words of expression such as "please" and "thank you", "you're welcome" were in vogue. A time when genuine compliments were given as and when they were earned.

Now before anyone starts pointing fingers, there is plenty of "blame" to go around. Guys might not be opening doors for girls because the girls do not give them a chance. A story is told of an etiquette course being held for some young ladies at which the instructor was quoted as having said, "Girls, you should wait for the guy to open the car door for you. But if he is already in the restaurant ordering, then perhaps you should consider opening the car door yourself." And we all laugh. But effective humor is only effective if it contains a grain of truth. This one contains more than a grain.

I have held a door open for women to pass through. A few times I have been verbally abused for doing so because it is "demeaning" to women that I should consider that they are neither smart enough or coordinated enough to open their own doors. So do I stop?? Quite frankly, I do not want to stop. I enjoy doing it. But what with the odds better than even that it will be perceived as a gross insult by the woman, I take a big chance.

I recognize that many intergender injustices have been perpetrated over the years, but does that mean that we "toss the baby out with the bathwater??"

I would love to go back, not to those times, but to those values which we held so dear. In this country we have suffered a great tragedy. This has caused many to rethink what is valid/valuable and what is not. Perhaps this is another area in which we can reassess our actions, words, deeds.

Can't we have respect and manners each for the other without being offended. Are there those among us who desperately look for opportunities to "be offended"? Can't we start bearing down and earning the respect which we crave?? So shall we here vow to earn the respect which we desire and to remember that without manners, a society, any society, becomes uncivilized in most tragic and basic ways.

vurdraak@pacbell.net

Opinion Piece # 3

PLANNING A FAMILY INVOLVES MORE THAN FAMILY PLANNING

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