PLANNING
A FAMILY INVOLVES MORE THAN FAMILY PLANNING |
| When a couple plans a family, the first
question should not, in my opinion, be financial
feasibility. These days everyone agrees that a couple should not have children which they cannot afford. No sane person has an argument with that one. I shall not spend time in this tome addressing that proposition. Perhaps the reader will allow me to go so far for an example as to note that "making" a baby and "having" a baby are two entirely different things. One is fun and pleasurable. The other (according to every woman I have ever heard address the subject) is anything but, until it is accomplished. Do you have the personal integrity? The first question should be: "Once I have caused these children to be brought into the world, am I willing to be responsible for the raising of them to the point that I am going to see to their moral upbringing as well. Am I willing to teach and train them not by "Do as I say, not as I do" but by example? Do you keep your word? Always? Even when it is inconvenient or places you in an untenable position? The children are watching. It is said that "little pitchers have big ears." Allow me to assure you, their eyes are even larger. Will you take the time? If you are going to want them attending religious services, are you going to send them or take them? If you just send them, then what message does that give to the children who see that what you consider important for them is not important for you yourself? Will you set the example? When they go to school and get disciplined in school for something they have done (like fighting, sassing the teacher, showing disrespect for the rules, terrorizing other children) what shall be your reaction?? Many times we have seen that it is for the parent to blame the teacher, the school, the other children, any/every one but their own. And all this time those selfsame children are watching and taking notes on what is and is not acceptable. Not according to your words, but according to your own actions. Of this last, we have two excellently illustrative examples, the first being John Walker, the Taliban fighter and the second the "shoe bomber". In the case of Mr. Walker, reportedly, he was left to pretty much find his own way without "interference" from his family. In the case of the shoe bomber, it is reported that his father spent the majority of his time in jail during the raising of that child. The two have turned out as they have. And still their parents make excuses for them. Two questions: 1.Is anyone surprised?? 2. Are these parents covering for the actions of their children or their own irresponsibility and malfeasance?? What if they figure out that anything they do is fine just so long as they don't get caught? Or that "slick dealing" is the way to get ahead in life? Is it going to be instructive for your children to hear you telling them that circumventing the laws of your area/country/city is wrong. And are they then going to overhear you on the telephone telling an acquaintance, "Bill/Freda you wouldn't believe my luck last night. I was s-o-o-o-o drunk. And I made it all the way home without being stopped by the cops!!" What sort of an example is that going to set for one's children??? How long can one proceed in this manner without the children not only ignoring the words, but also losing all respect for the person who utters them?? The same goes for things like cheating others, lying, and ignoring the world around you so that you will not be "inconvenienced" in any way, shape, manner or form. Does anyone reading this piece want to check in with Mr. Webster and look up the word "hypocrite"? Kids, like old folks, can spot a fake, a shyster, a mile away. And by the way, the phrase, "Birds of a feather flock together" is as true today as it was when "coined". What of your friends? I would propose that the actions of your friends in the presence of your children are just as important as your own. Especially when it comes to choosing their own friends. I do not mean this to be a sermon, it is an opinion piece, but I very definitely believe that these are questions which have remained unasked for far too long and we see the results of that little mistake every moment of our waking lives. If the adage that, "If you would have a friend, then be a friend," is true, then "Do you desire to raise moral, upstanding, responsible children. Then be a moral, upstanding, responsible adult. Because that is about the only way that you can even come close to surety of outcome." is even more true.
HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY .....NOT ! |